53/365 No words...

If you ever need to borrow some petroleum jelly, I am not the person to ask. In fact, it's been almost 5 years since I've had any in my possession. Why? Well, it's funny you should ask. One night when the boys were almost 2, we heard four little limbs climbing up the stairs to our bedroom. (parenting tip 1, don't assume your kids are asleep without doing an official test) As Davy rounded the corner, he found David climbing up the stairs, hands covered in Vaseline. Following the shiny trail, he discovered Spanky, our sweet, gentle Cheasapeake Bay Retriever with thick, coarse, long, curly hair, resting in the hallway with a empty jar beside him. That's right, ladies and gentlemen, David had lovingly smothered Spanky with Vaseline. Ummm, yeah. What do you do with that? (parenting tip 2, here's how you do that)
1. Immediately, put the dog in the crate. Keep him there all night and all day.
2. After school, while your husband is 2 hours away coaching a high school baseball game, load the crate and the dog into the Suburban.
3. Load up the twins and drive 45 minutes to the nearest PetSmart.
4. Unload the shiny 65 lb. dog and the twins and get into the groomers.
5. Explain to the desk clerk why your dog is covered in Vaseline.
6. Explain to the manager why your dog is covered in Vaseline.
7. Leave the dog and head to the mall to kill 3-4 hours because it's too far to head home and come back.
8. Answer the phone and explain to another groomer why your dog is covered in Vaseline. Just respond "I have twin boys." (parenting tip 3, this explains most things)
9. Hang out at the mall. Go eat at Chic-fil-a once it's turned freezing cold and everyone is tired and ready to head home.
10. Watch helplessly as Tyler vomits his lunch all over himself while you realize that you don't have extra clothes because of the madness with the dog.
11. Wrap your child in a random blanket you find in the car, hope he isn't freezing, and walk into Petsmart to pick up the dog. Try to contain your tears.
12. Pay $80 to have had the dog de-greased and his hair cut. Thank the worker profusely when he can tell you are crumbling in front of him and offers to walk your dog out for you.
13. Leave threatening messages for your husband that he better be home when you get there as you drive the 45 minutes home.
14. Get everyone inside.
15. Crash... and try to guess how long it will be before you can laugh about it!